whoppingdoodledoo

hmmm

2010-03-06T12:29:00.001-08:00

sudden increase in posts because loads to say but nowhere to say it.

facebook exclamations are for people who need/want reactions.

feeling unaccomplished, like there's nothing much ive achieved in life as compared to many. music, soccer(especially), sports, latin, ballroom hiphop. complete imbecile compared to many. those who put in so much time and energy and there actually are results to prove their talent.

family

friends

relationship(s)

what am i aiming for?

time to stop trying out and start to think about what i want?

welldone

2010-03-05T06:53:00.001-08:00

A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.

”What would you like for dinner, Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”

He said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken..”

“Fuck You. You’re having soup. I was talking to the cat.”

ALMOST BRINGS A TEAR TO YOUR EYE, DOESN’T IT?

hello sem 2

2010-02-19T05:19:00.001-08:00

maybe it really isnt about changing, realy just about being who you are.

then where does sensibility come in?

lost priorities. forced to lose them perhaps.

I CANT SEEM TO DO WORK

2009-11-06T06:13:00.000-08:00

i remember writing an entry about being picture perfect. shall go dig it up.

just 1 hour around the hospital today and there's already something potentially lifechanging. gosh how are we to survive such a rollercoaster all our lives?

2009-10-18T06:27:00.001-07:00

i dont wna go to school ):

and you had a

2009-09-17T09:19:00.001-07:00

f ing bad day

2009-08-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

i really miss my boots.

other than that, school's going fine (:

MY LIFE

2009-08-05T11:59:00.001-07:00

from athena:
RAG day is just a week away. i have no idea what to expect on that day except that it'll be my last chance to do that dance with 32 other dancers who i have been dancing with for the last one month plus.

oh.no. its coming to an end.

2009-07-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

how many people have i neglected

one sentence stories

2009-07-03T11:58:00.000-07:00

When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she’s a funeral director.
My 8-year-old sister proudly declared that she knows that “WTF” means “Wow, That’s Funny” and has been using it all over the internet.
I held my father’s hand as he died in that hospital room and realized I’d never held his hand before that moment.
Today you shaved your hair into a mohawk to make my mom laugh over losing hers to chemo and today I realized that you are my hero.
When asked to name the one person absent from her life that she missed the most, she responded, “The person I hoped I’d be by this point in my life.”
I conduct job interviews for a living and nothing gives me a better sense of wielding karma than giving the job to the nervous kid instead of the better qualified arrogant prick.

http://onesentence.org/stories/popular/all/

2009-05-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

chasing pavements, somewhat

books.

2009-04-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

the Jane Austen Book Club, to me, is just a movie with a novel way of telling us humans are incomplete without a partner.

at least it got me wanting to readd

not anytime soon again

2009-04-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

stomach's screaming for comfort food.

alcohol.is.bad.

so you either drink enough to puke it all out, or you drink just enough to tickle your stomach.

--
the girls had their first game yesterday. they awed everyone with their plays. im sure they'll changed many views on girls soccer. unbelieveably inspiring.

it then led me to hink how come so many of us agreed theyve got something our batch didnt manage to achieve.

and i couldnt think of any logical answers.

then i thought again and this time i realised we've had our special things too.and specialness is uncomparable.

so as usual, blue sky soccer girls. continue to work hard and be that inspiration to so many other sport teams/team sajc. all the best girls.

2009-03-08T08:33:00.001-07:00

SENTOSA/ZOO soon k pleasepleaseplease

2009-03-06T07:09:00.000-08:00

its...not enough. its...mediocre. its..its just not there and not fair.

B D A C C

no comments.

2009-03-04T10:13:00.001-08:00

kill me now.

time to blog.

2009-03-01T07:58:00.000-08:00

loads of things have been happening.

r.i.p uncle mak. god bless.

dance. partnership's messy.

got through selections but there's another this sunday. and its very screwed up. on so many different levels i dont even know where to start. neverending argument.

dad's back on the plane to china

results rumoured to be out this fri but roxanne made plans with her classmates on thurs night.

yinhui really came for dance (:

dance. dance.

work?

poly enrolment

uni enrolment?

work?

tuition?

perform?

friday the 13th, february the 14th.

2009-02-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to say

i dont appreciate twofaced-ness ok? if its/he/she's not something/one you like/bother about/want to talk to/want to see then dont pretend.

oooooooooo

2009-02-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

so i was reading all the blogs and realised...ive got very wise people around me! so i decided to share the love.

from mich:
I think it's all about learning to appreciate what you have and not taking things for granted. No doubt it is only human nature to keep wanting for more or for the best you can ever have, but why not stop to think about whatever things you're already blessed with ? That way we can all live our lives happier (:

from daeyeon:
well... finally i am entering and serving my country.feels kinda funny with my shaved head and all. but saw it coming, so not too bad.it is nt as if i woke up with a letter that was written"Shut the fuck up and enter camp by 5th Jan"

from rachyee(the wisest of all):
perspective of life changes every minute. what you see, what triggers that past memory that alters your outlook on things. mixed thoughts, words, even memories become a blur. every passing flash, a wake up scent, throws you back into that disarray.

the concrete feeling of not being whole. all the more you want to see for yourself what you are capable of.

there are days where we feel that our lives cannot get any better and there are days where we think the opposite. but life gets better no matter what and if you look on the bright side, things will be a-okay. so don't sweat it and always think of the future and how much better it can be. chill my friend! sometimes i get into that mood and i think "why did i do that?!" or "omg that was so embarrassing!" or whatever else we think when we are in the dumps. haha.

and finally, my sister. undescribable wisdom:
on a side but serious note,
dating violence is no laughing matter.
just look what happened to rihanna.

2009-02-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

the bad things just keep coming dont they

RESULTS

2009-02-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

didnt see it in the headlines says: half of me wants it half of me doesnt
wuliao<> says: chey so easy
wuliao<> says: when u see the result.. only the side that wan to see open the eye lo.. open one of ur eye

hwachong.

--
first ever performance yesterday. SCREWED IT UP BIG TIME. endof story.

yay roxanne and yinhui are joining me for samba waltz! :D :D

im glad all the army boys came out of the jungle safe (:

no more busking ):

screwed up body clock AGAIN ):

tuitioning a pri 2 boy with three cats. supre cute. both the boy and the cats. ONE OF THEM RESPONDS TO ITS NAME MYGOSH! i didnt know cats responded to their owner's call.

my life is pretty much empty now, save for dance. time to exercise!

mourn.

2009-02-03T08:48:00.003-08:00

phone died ):

used dad's one.

found out after he left for china that he gave me the wrong charger.

omg O2

emo emu

2009-01-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

i found half a caterpillar in my dumpling soup today. its the grossest thing ive ever fucking seen.

HALF.

--
i'd like to sit back and wait since we're still young. but what if i end up like those old women on tv who go 'but now im 50 and there's nothing left that i can do'.

--
happy cny! love your siblings now cos when you're older you're probably only gna meet them during festivals like this

HALF A CATERPILLAR WTF

wonderful tonight

2009-01-22T10:52:00.000-08:00

so i was looking through facebook photos and i saw, how extraodinary everyone's lives were

band dinners, wall painting, band outings, secret private outings, working days, night outings, day outings, having fun, serve, school days, school trainings, birthdya parties, personal messages, different photos,

and how much am i missing

i came home at 1.40 tonight and all the cny decorations were up, and i realised, i didnt even get to help decorate the house this year. what did mummy do today what time did she come home from work? how come the clock's back o nthe wall where did she bring it to have it fixed? what did beth cook for dinner today, how did she cook it? did she do any washing? did miko have fun or was he just sleeping or being his normal greedy self?

and all i did, was go to a school i can only wish to step into and have a life in, to dance, to attract stupid attention, to get my steps right my legs right my feelings right, to help, to have fun. then i went over to mei's house to doll up to at least look presentable to go to zouk to watch other people dance and look at them perform and wonder how they feel, then walk around looking for supper and finally finding it with someone in the east somewhere in the east.

and then coming home to realise all this.

huh?

2009-01-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

tonight, tmr, and the days after i will be oblivious to the world. no matter how long it takes

angela

2009-01-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

some songs struck chords in your heart and makes you all tingly and squeezy inside,

and this is one of them for me.

NS

2009-01-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

9th jan, 9plus pm, lets hope none of us gets heat stroke.

i miss you all very very much.

to all the guys whose enlistment im gna miss, HAVE FUN K. and please take care of yourselves im quite sure your medic isnt the most gentle(gentlest?!) person. (: i will miss your freedom almost as much as you miss yours. and i pray your bunkmates are all straight.

once in a lifetime, unforgettable thing. dont blink!

ni hao!

2009-01-03T01:38:00.000-08:00

wo xien zai zhai zhong guo! HEN LENG! wo cha yi dian jiu dong si le. *yao tou*

dan wo jue de wo you yi dian fei le :D chong di yi tian lai dao zhe li, wo yi zhi zai chi. YAY.

dan wo hao xiang shen bing le ): di er tian, wo xie du zhi. xie le SI tian omg. ran hou du zhi hao le, wo jiu kai shi ke shou. ke dao xian zai. ke lian ma ):

ZHONG GUO! :
wo chong xingqi liu dao xingqi yi zai tianjin, she me dou mei you zhuo. zhi you chi he qu guang jie.

ran hou wo men jiu ta le HUO CHE! 15 ge xiao shi! ke shi wo shui bu liao. ying wei yi zhi xie du zhi. wo hai tu le liang chi ):

xingqi er wo men jiu dao le haerbin. zai na bien wo men you ge dao you. ta jiu dai le wo men qu yabuli(yi ge di fang). zai na bien wo men hua xue! hua le liang tien, jiu hui dao haerbin, chi le wan can, jiu you shang le huo che. yu 15 ge xiao shi.

xien zai jiu yi jing she xingqi LIU! hao kuai. wo jiu zai wo baba(papa o.O?!) de jia. mei shi zhuo, jiu shang wang. :D

NI MEN XIANG WO MA. WO HEN XIANG NI MEN! (((:

wo xingqi WU jiu hui hui lai leeeeeeeeeee :D

ni men you mei you yao mai de dong xi? wo zai zhe li mei you hao de dong xi mai hui gei ni men! ): bu zhi dao mai she me hui lai hao. qiao ge li? er huan? baobao?

oh oh! dui le! XING NIAN KUAI LE! wo xi wang ni men guo de hen hao :D wo jiu mei you qing zhu. ying wei wo men zai jiu dian li, baba(papa) mama yao wo men shui jiao yingwei mingtian yao qi lai hua xue. )):

yi jing shi erlinglingjiu le! hen kuai! bu zhi bu jue yi nian jiu guo qu le. tai kuai le. *yao tou* wo xi wang zhe nian hui she yi ge hao nian ((:

hao le, wo lei le. dan hai yao qu chi wan can. ni men bao zhong! wo xiang nian ni men! ai niiiii mennnnn

midnight

2008-12-26T05:00:00.000-08:00

im gna leave a shoe behind! and my handsome price can wait two weeks (:

ok jokes aside(HAHA mozart. mygosh boys school boys have the weirdest jokes)

ok really aside. im leaving on a jet planeeeee. soon. and ive been bursting inside for two weeks just waiting for this day and now ITS HERE. ohmycowww

but i went online and started browsing through photos and i realised how much im gna miss everyone. recently ive been going out almost everyday(mum can vouch for that) and its been hell fun.

and not enough. i hope when i come back(i hope i come back O.O) it can start again (:

so ciao everyone, im gna be thinking of all you guys on the plane in the house on the train on the hill back in the house back on the plane and back beside miko.

xoxoXXOXoxOxOOx (hahahahahahaha)

heyy

2008-12-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

merry christmass :D :D

dont get drunk dont smoke too much and DONT waste logcakes.

18?!

2008-12-18T05:36:00.000-08:00

haha yea so 18th birthday's over. twas fantastic :D thank you EVERYONE for the little things

facebook friendster calls messages face to face hugs outings movies lunches dinners afternoons nights earlymornings 12am to 12am surprises cakes gifts balloon shirt jacket pen book rose chocs icecream coffee talks thoughts and love.

love you guys, you guys are my life, i am nothing without you all.

happy happy birthday to rachyee and my ogmates all the december babies of sajc hahahaha

i hope you like the perfume love.

happy birthday :D

2008-12-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

haha yes you ask, where's the flow?

17's been quite a hell ride, lets see what 18 has in store (;

oh wow prom!

2008-12-03T06:04:00.000-08:00

so prom was quite a mess. ok, an experience, only unforgettable because of the wowness of what prom is supposed to be.

got ready with joanne, got sent there(fullerton) in her brothers car(thats when we started freaking out and toying with the idea of backing out) met foofoo and verin, tried to hid behind potted plants cos it was SO.DAMNED.EMBARRASSING, got chased in by councillors, listened to a performance by one of our students who've sung for many occasions throughout the 2 years in sajc(she's awesome), and after that all i remember is trying to not to expose anything while walking up the stairs to outside, trying not to slip and fall, and trying to take photos. not to mention listening to matin's dj-ing haha it was awesome mat im sorry we didnt stay for your soyousay crappy beat mix dance section.

ok, the photos were fun, but short-lived. everyone was busy taking photos with everyone else i didnt manage to capture my last shots with so many. apparently mingling and savouring the moments werent top priorities, or was that only me? this happens only once how can anyone forget that.

seemed like everyone was too focused on looking pretty or looking at others look pretty/handsome, pretty handsome.

yea and now it's over, and its too late.

at least our table of strangers didnt turn out as bad as we expected. not very awkward, we ALMOSTALMOSTALMOST won 100bucks worth of benandjerrys that was possibly the highlight of prom. and the lucky draw was too weird. and after that watched the prom king/queen nominees try their best to make things work on stage infront of everyone without trying too hard ah it was just something to watch and forget the next day after. monique and diana did look spectacular though. and of course rach ho, ive admired your courage and personality from the start, right to this last day as an sajc-ian.salutes to you.

throughout, the postprom organizers were trying to sell postprom tickets, yea im quite sorry to hear it didnt work out so well.

its quite cool actually see i can make a house with them[leftover tickets]

postprom was an eye opener, on manymany different levels. what a fucking lousy closure to an sajc life. oh wait, maybe it was veryvery appropriate,considering what life i sajc really is/was.

stayed outside arena for awhile, the bouncer was being so strict so we didnt even bother trying to get me in, waited for marcus while rounds and rounds of drunk people came and went.got a cab at around 3plus and reached home around 4. i found a new east strangerfriend, who lives about 100metres away from me.

then foofoo and joanne came to sleep over. first i find out beth didnt replace the sheets for the mattress so i couldnt let any of them sleep on it. dragged the couch cushions lucky they were there. then we were quite sleepy so, we slept. till 3 the next day,beeps and vibration noises from our phones being the only reason why we woke.and jo lost her ez-link card, and her found out her camera was spoilt before she went to sleep.

ohgosh how wonderful, right down to the last minute.

ha.pictures(by others) on facebook.

i wish you'd see

2008-11-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

see so many things.

if i were the mum and you were the child, how'd you feel? there's so much to say to you but will you even listen, listen as a person completely neutral and not as someone with mum's pride.

what rubbish. maybe you're so used to seeing only what you want to see, that all you see now is what you dont see.

i'd give up SO MUCH. but what kind of signs will that give you huh. i cant do this, i cant do THAT, then?!

ergh!

thankyou

2008-11-17T05:04:00.000-08:00

3 more weeks? haha no.

3 more days.

and im thankful for all who've cared; the cakes cookies, and donuts, the messages calls and hugs, the tips and encouragement and most of all, just letting me know you're there.

blessed. really (:

GP weaves the web of answers

2008-11-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

murdoch:

'By opening our eyes we do not necessarily see what confronts us. We are anxiety-ridden animals. Our minds are continually active,fabricating an anxious, usually self-preoccupied, often falsifying veil, which partially conceals the world. Our states of consciousness differ in quality. Our fantasies and reveries are not trivial and unimportant, they are profoundly connected with our energies and our abilities to choose and act. And if quality of consciousness matters, then anything which alters consciousness in the direction of unselfishness, objectivity and realism is to be connected with virtue.'

it's like suddenly all my relationships seemed superficial, like everyone seemed superficial.

2008-10-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

if there's one thing i need now its a slap. so matin says i can be a lawyer cos i come up with very convincing reasons. can you come up with a reason to convince me to work for this. it seems ive lost a reason to want to do as best as i can.

blame it on stress, it's always a good excuse/reason.

alevels in less than a week, its all everyone talks about now.

life just doesnt go on when there's something major happening

I BLOGGED!

2008-10-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

3 MORE WEEKS. (and a few days)

oh no

2008-09-10T00:20:00.000-07:00

prelims were terrible terrible terrible.

econs(to me only. i know there are econs god/goddesses out there who think its 'ok la') was traumatising.

chemistry was like a new subject. when i was doing it i felt like iwas doing last year's common test - clueless. oh no.

bio was the best out of the three but no high hopes, definitely not.

anddddd oh ya maths. i didnt play sudoku :D

anyway. watch and learn :D

OUCH.

2008-09-01T05:36:00.001-07:00

it has been...very long since ive exercised. so when i went running yesterday MYGOSH i felt like a pig. didnt even manage three rounds around the estate.

and my legs are aching today. ok time to put exercise in my timetable.

its been long since ive touched a soccer ball.

--

the secret's out. (and alot,alotalotlalotaloatlatlatatoatalta of photos)

2008-08-29T05:46:00.000-07:00

so, what have i been up to these days? whats on my mind in lectures/class/morning assembly nowadays, whats up with all the disappearing on wednesdays sats and sometimes sundays to kallang? here it is, at long last (:

Ballroom(tnago and jive so far) lessons at Dancesport de Allan with a great bunch of people, mostly from NUS(yes the university) since its their NUS social and ballroom dancing club.

awesome prata just below the studio!

my girls (:

--

last day of tango and jive classes was also 'red and black day'.

--

helping out at The Merlion Dancesport International Competition at Orchid Country Club. it was amazing. ive never seen a ballroom. plus this time i get to see the most amazing dancers in the world. see that guy in the middle? he's one of the judges(thai) and he.is.damn.sexy.

look at those dancers. they're standard dancers(tango, foxtrot, waltz, quickstep and viennese waltz i think), you can tell from the long flowy gowns, yknow like those you see on tv. but ten times better.

prize presentation area, i was inside the ballroom for the entire thing cos i was allocated to run around and collect the judge's results and pass it to someone to tally them.

these are latin dancers(paso doble, jive,chacha(YAY IM GNA LEARN IT SOON),samba and the most romantic, rumba). you can tell from the short,and quite bare, dresses. but its nothing indecent, not at all.

Champions of Latin Open category! yknow for ballroom you go from begginers to intermediate to novice THEN AMATUER and then the next level's PROFESSIONAL :/

thin line between amatuer and professional hahaha

they did the rumba it was reallyreallyreally good her costume was THE BOMB

--

there's always an afterparty after a party :D

our was at...ALOHA! we thought aloha loyang but it turned out to be aloha changi )): but nvermind at least i got to tickle old changi hospital hahaha i didnt even know i walked past it till after the trip.

we went in our glamour costumes and all, bathed, and five minutes later we were out on the open area jive-ing and sweating away.

then the guys and meiling came and we played Apples to Apples(ITS DAMN FUN) and ordered funkylooking pizza :/

the black stuff are mushrooms :/

4AM SPIN IN KERCHING'S CAR!

and it was totally legal((: we're not some naughty kids k these are fully fledged drivers with THEIR OWN cars.

stopped over at the fences of changi airport(yknow those you see on tv where one of a pair of lovers will watch airplanes fly by, and at that moment the scene changes to inside the airplane where her/his partner sits? ya that fence. its very rusty.

in the car with the sunroof down! yea its not a limou but it was still woahhhhhh

mike loh clutching his boob for idontknowwhatreason. my jive partner for quite some time :D

the driver! my paso doble partner for almost every time.

then we went to some..jetty i cant remember what its called. changi jetty?

THATS A PLANE COMING STRAIGHT AT US. it went above our heads! we were awed. like seriously awed. until like four went by then we got bored.

BRIEF INTRO.

from left to right: Kitt, meiling,yuenmei(we call her mei), grace(i really miss her!),carinlee,chevy(you NEED to see her tango)

in mei's words: we're having rocking fun :D

we decided on funny poses, somehow.

the next morning (:

--

then it was NUS Social And Ballroom dancing club's Dinner And Dance!
at Chjimes Upper Club.

Vadum NUS Tripudiu means "shall NUS dance?'

the tickets. mine's 008 though. and it won me the lucky draw :D

(haha no eric its not a book :P)

disco ball! though a small one

the tables on the other side of where we chose to sit

for the first time, general dancing's for couples, not an entire moshpit of people. the dancefloor's empty cos everyone wasnt here yet.

FOOD :D

CAKES :D

hungry much.

mini competiton!the lady in pink and her partner's our representative for the whole gang of us :D

JIVE

tango?

the dancers! except for mike(extreme right)

couple 1

couple 2(except for mei) ohmygosh she does the BEST jive. and the guy's really tall like yaoming haha

christine!

couple 3!

couple 4!

yea and after that was just a hell lot of fun laughter peace and joy. more general dancing,food and photos. i had to dance barefoot twice cos they pushed me in but hell it was phun :P

yea we had damn alot of fun with edwin's scarf

HAHA IDIOT

tsktsk naughtynaughty mei

haha spot the experienced dancer and the not.

i love how the guys automatically lead the girls with their hands.

to end it off,the best photo of the night:

yup so thats what carinlee has been doing. lots more but i havent got the photos.

DONT LAUGH.

elisa - dancing

2008-08-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim the temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be living soon

My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

tell me.

2008-08-07T06:32:00.000-07:00

tell me everything.what do you think of,why do you think like that,what happened long ago,are you sad?are you happy?why are you sad and why are you happy? what do you want. tell me. tell me everything.

because im tired of sitting here,there, practically everywhere, guessing what goes on in your head.

--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fWV0fVYZhs

you have to watch this. and memoirs of a geisha after that.

the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmzrF-FyqjU

ladies and gentlemen, my sister.

2008-08-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

:im gna do something that you probably wouldnt like, but dont worry its reversible (:

and suddenly she whips out a DEODOURANT and STARTS SPRAYING ME LIKE IVE NEVER BATHED

:DO YOU FEEL LIKE A COCKROACH NOW

BOOM DE AH DAH

2008-07-25T07:11:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_f98qOGY0

like a stone

2008-07-21T06:48:00.000-07:00

On a cobweb afternoon
In a room full of emptiness
By a freeway I confess
I was lost in the pages
Of a book full of death

thank god for people like mr tan who just walks into your life and give you a breath of fresh air, just about enough to get you started.

and shows like so you think you can dance to inspire you over and over again.

by the way, sometimes i keep my mouth shut for a reason, so please help me on that will you? people have their own reasons.

it's been long hasnt it hmm

2008-07-15T08:09:00.001-07:00

yea the previous posts were rubbish. arent you glad to see a long good post now? (:

been mia since verylongago cos when things get complicated there just arent any right words to phrase it all.so i just didnt bother.

but yea if you realised, things have changed. or rather i have, in a way.

what used to haunt me tease me plague me still are, but not that much anymore. ts been great fun these few days. great,great fun. i dont remember laughing so much, feeling so at ease and happy in class. and its quite worrying cos once you're high up in the sky there's a chance of falling down. but throw that aside, im laughing till i cry.

--
highlights of the past few days:

dad came back, he was supposed to leavve tonight(tuesday night) but over the weekend something cropped up in china and he had to immediately book a midnight flight to fly off(on sunday).

sunday was eventful though! had something on in the morning, so mum and dad dropped me off and took my sis out to ktv in temasek club(one of their hobbies now), and i ate prata with some friends. after that it was a madrush to outram,but change of plans halfway i had to go chinatown instead. so i went and too bad i was early, they were still picking up my bro. so i did some quick chinatown shopping(how often do i go there,seriously)it was way cool. then it was off to a chinatown restaurant to meet my uncle and his family for a dinner, just cause my dad was back again. too bad i was full-ish from prata

dad was here on business trip so he had his finance manager with him(thursday)! and we had to play hosts for a day :D after school i went to my mum's clinic to meet her. initially the plan was to go straight from there but change of plans again, we rushed home so we could look presentable-r. then it was off to MUTHU CURRY FISHHEAD hahaha it was awesome i ate damn alot. had some problems deciding where to take her for dessert since there arent many dessert shops around, and we definitely didnt want to bring her to a coffeeshop though local desserts are dabomb. so we fusse dover it for awhile and decided to head to bugis and go into any random shop. queued outside nydc for awhile(mudpie!) but mum found a japanese dessert shop so we went there instead! ohmygosh green tea flavoured hokkaido icecream is reallyreallyreally nice they had such interesting desserts there! ate till i was fuller than full so we headed back it was cool.

fun fun fun.

--
tmr's college shirt day hahaha we're all such cheap thrill people. i still havent got my red top HOW

--
talked to roxanne over the phone too! a few days back. she just makes me feel like everything's gna be alright.

2008-07-07T05:44:00.000-07:00

i.

we..

you..

.

did you just come up and talk to me again?

since..lastyear?lastlast?theyearbeforelast?

2008-06-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Oh I am what I am,
I'll do what I want, but I can't hide

But at the time it didn't mean a thing
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms

Pretend like it's the weekend now

lian zhi ji de ying zhi dou xiang tao bi

mei yi ci xiang kai kou dan bu ru bao chi an jing

It's my responsibility
And you don't owe nothing to me
I should just be my own best friend
And in your wake
My deep shame

As I burn another page
As I look the other way

Curtain's finally closin'

Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

Cause every tear that flows falls into the ocean
And rises to the sky
And then the rain will come
Right before the sun shines

let me tell you a story...

2008-06-19T05:38:00.000-07:00

the end <3

KACHOW

2008-06-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

today my mum sent me a very nice and warm morning message.

i decided to...ignore it(as usual)

--
went to school to meet foofoo(its been long my friend!), supposed to get some studying done but i ended up sleeping a whole damn lot WHY

the trip was relaxing, somehow.

anyway as i walked into school i realised how much i love walking into an empty one

--
the internet has nothing interesting on anymore ):

listening to: Here with me - Dido(heard it like thirty times throughout studying. old school much but i liiike)

5,4,3,2,1 blink

2008-06-01T02:12:00.000-07:00

:othello says 'i know my price. i am worth no worse a place' so cliche but you know i know you know you dont deserve to be treated like that at all. you gave him a shot to prove himself above what people thought of him and all he did was show you they were right.

--
mom's sick and quiet

i missed class today 'cause i chose to ignore

i cancelled out on greg today cos im going out a lil too much this week(even if its for different reasons)

--
acjc dance concert yeseteday to support janie. it was different, maybe cos there werent emcees it was dance after dance after dance and very creative outfits. felt weird cos we were there to support janie, the rest of the concert was just alienic. al-ameen after that theyve got horrible service when its crowded but thats life, and you cant blame them.

got back near 1 am and my sis being the weirdo she is wanted chips so we just stayed up for a while and ate potato chips(she ate it. the smell was turning me off, for the first time)

i might just need a lil time

i havent started studying at all, and im sorry, sorry to myself for that.

because life's depressing nowadays. it always has been, unless we find sparkles in the little things we're blessed with

2008-05-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

time can be transcended, just remember me

2008-05-26T01:41:00.000-07:00

this is what i call OWNAGE :D

i wish i was beautiful like greece

2008-05-25T02:25:00.001-07:00

time to study for bio spa. this week went by reallyreally fast, fortunately. june hols are here. time to do all the work ive put off for another day plus all the work that has to be done ofr the future.

thank god ive people around me to help me through

--
friday was team sajc closure. throughout the thing all i could think of is, here i am, sitting here again, just like at the start when we were standing down there taking the pledge, just like last year, when we were wearing our medals, just like last year, when we were taking the pledge.

it was a flashback of oneandahalfyears.

friday was soccer vs rugby in a game of soccer and touch rug, we only got to see part of touch rug. before that they played basketball and street soccer at the basketball court it was hilarious they are ridiculously funny.

friday was soccer girls farewell. our juniors can join band choir drama and start a new cca called stand-up comedy. i love them, truly.

at least there is an end now

2008-05-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

Drying up in conversation,
You will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces,

--
to sajc soccer boys, you guys put meaning to 'the beautiful game', thats all i need to say. you should be proud of whatever you all have done, noone plays soccer like you guys do. that colour of the medal you're gna hold just aint right, but its ok, we all know what superb players you all are. thank you for letting me watch such beautiful play, its unforgettable, something which makes me proud to have come to sa.

--
last week of school, this has been one of the toughest months to get through.

the three of us were having this conversation today and its inevitable, we've all changed, whether its good or bad, noone can tell cos who's to say whats right and wrong

im gna miss many things, i hope this week comes to an end soon, i need to settle my mind calm my soul finally recharge

are you up to go do that with me?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST ROXANNE. i cant get through alevels without you

by emmy rossum

2008-05-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

....

2008-05-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

...where's everyone?

just wait to scream

only god will know

2008-05-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

there's nothing more to be said. what needs to be said already has, and whatever hasnt been said has already been felt.

come on soccer guys life those chins of yours there's one last match to go, dont let this little hiccup bring you down, dont let it mask your sight of the next victory becuase that next game, is ours. team sajc is behind you guys allll the way, this time i really mean it.

last year i felt like it was just us and the school(which wasnt very big). but this year, oh this year's different. this year team sajc is one family. we're all behind one another so when you feel weary, when you feel down, think about this big group of people behind you and feed off our energy because its all yours.

on a lighter note, CONGRATS TO THE HOCKEY GIRLS TODAYYYY! semis down, FINALS BABY. COME ON GO GO GO! sajc soccer girls will be there for you guys FOR SURE.

--
hello you. you came so fast, and now you're gone. i'd write a song for you if i could.

Words can't say what a love can do

--
some things are better left unsaid, arent they

--
i guess im just bitter about how i never managed to find something together after one whole year, and you did what i wanted to, in just a short span of a few months. no really. its depressing to see. brings me back to my point of insignificance, yknow?

i woke up to sunshinnnnne

2008-05-12T22:27:00.001-07:00

its 1.25pm on a tuesday afternoon, and there's nobody online.

feels good (:

:you wna eat real food or fake food?
:eh the caf's damn crowded
:ok lets eat fake food

i love how we all understand each other so well even though our words are nonsense

2008-05-11T08:22:00.001-07:00

i hated how i could only sit there and watch helplessly i wish im more of a help i wish i could do more, do something solid for you, i wish i was more.

im having so much trouble finding meaning in anything right now. all those words cards notes dinner flowers jokes laughter the things people/i say or do. its all....just a happening that flies past.

there is no meaning anymore

and im sorry im such a wet blanket, im sorry i cant be strong for you guys especially in this crucial period. i will be, ,just let me be weak for awhile.

it just seems like one big black abysmal chunk of shit but its only like that if we think so.

i feel like one bbig fat bitch if you could hear my thoughts you'd see what an ugly person i am

when you reap not what you sow

2008-05-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

it sucks. and im not just talking about labour. what about emotions feelings tolerance sacrifices? all for naught?

im speechless.

you tell me, you tell us, repeatedly, that its the process that counts.
i throw it right back at your face.

im sick of school. fucking sick. and im sick and tired of answering to people who come and go. are you worth appreciating

and i slowly go insane

2008-05-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

so today i skipped another team lunch cos momma beckoned(using reverse psychology) twas bittersweet.

i felt like being a good lil daughter so i agreed to do a uuuturn and walk to her polyclinic,which i did. ate lunch with her, then we went to nissan service centre to change some car battery(which i later found out was car KEY batteries) then we went tampines to pick up my repaired samsung phone (which according to jojo is lousyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy(sometimes i think so too but its still mine so i still like it ha)) and her fila shirt AND, the best part's here

at tampines we started shopping like we were meant to be shopping.

mum's trying to look for dresses, i was just looking around, looking for a bag which is quite badly needed. didnt manage to decide, so tmr we're gna get me a bag (:

so where's the bitter where's the sweet?

sweet's in the shopping part. bitter's in the shopping part too,ironically. its about time i stopped sponging off my mum like she's gna provide for me all my life. bout time i stopped buying stuff everytime we're out. there's more to an outing than just shopping, there's more to happiness between us than just buying me stuff

right?

--
training today was better, i think. i dont care if im hopeless or useless in the team.im not, i repeat, not gna lay back just cos i think ive lost.

we're all troubled souls but we can change that. and we can start, by starting with ourselves.

--
today feels like a day where i shouldnt say anything cos everything that comes out comes out wrong. and i think im right.

hey

2008-05-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

smile girl you're brighter than sunshine. it hurts to see you down and out so why dont you take a whiff of some happy smells from your happy pillow and look at the world anew. let the darkness fade away and sunshine seep through because thats what life's all about - being happy. enjoy the world my love its waiting for you to shine even brighter than you already are. believe it.

what the hell am i doing here

2008-05-01T04:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes the things people do just warms my heart. like what zeehui did today (: got a message from her all of a sudden asking if im alright and i was very touched. zhien's been caring alot lately too and thats commendable since she's already graduated.

me being out of band, i thought i could keep in touch with everyone and everything but seems like im out of their lives already. sudden appearances and small talk can only go so far.

and that applies to secondary school friends too. just recently ive been thinking, where're they, where am i in their lives.

and that leads to, where am i in people's lives now. sometimes the things people do just makes me think wtf do you take me for but i realised today on the bus that that doesnt matter. what matters most to me is what i take you for. and im not taking you lightly, just so you know.

--
on a lighter note, last night i took my flu tablet(not cos i have the flu though) wayyyyyyyyy before i planned to sleep just so i could feel what it feels like to be drowsy :D

then i went to pack my room! previously my notes were in many piles. now, my notes are still in many piles. but at least they're categorised piles not just nonsensestacksofuselesspaper

halfway through i got woozy(yea finally) so i went to sleep

set my alarm to wake up for chelsea liverpool BUT IT DIDNT RING. I SWEAR ITS NOT ME WHO DIDNT WAKE UP MY PHONE CHEATED ME. AGAIN.

woke up to a tiny beep, message from someone to tell me the score at 5AM wth.

if a small beep could do the trick i dont see how cyclone playing at an increasingly high volume COULDNT.

angry!

but ohwell i skipped lunch with the team(wasnt feeling it), got back and managed to catch the replay! only caught the last 20 minutes of full time and the both extra times though. but not bad ah in that short span i managed to catch 3 goals yeaa.

THEN i watched chelsea tv(it happened to be showing). they were interviewing this blonde guy and mygoodnessgraciousme HE'S DAMN SEXY. later on i found out his name's gudjohnssen, ex chelsea player(i think he's out already he was talking bout his 'last season' and they played a tribute to him by showing all his goals during his entire chelsea career). supersupersupersuper sexy i wonder if he's a nice guy. seemed like it :D

my mum was alone today at home and i guess its something that affected her. looks like it was quite a good decision to skip lunch.

2008-04-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

jonathan gan cant crack eggs, puts cheese in his maggie mee

and has the cheek to laugh at me for LOOKING like i cannot do housework.

IN YOUR FACE YOU WEIRDO heh

--
alfie soEN saw ameer and even played soccer with him

1. i cant believe he recognises him
2. i cant believe he plays soccer

alfie says:ermm no la
alfie says:i only go jog around the field with a ball

3.it was field soccer?!

--
the conversations just keep getting funnier and funnier.

--
if i had allll the time and money in the world, the thing i'd most want to do for someone in my life is....

tell them how i got all the time and money in the world! :D

--
today was unproductive in the literal meaning but quite productive if productive was given a deeper more undefined meaning. yea baby.

2008-04-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

dont bother coming cos shes not gna be there

mentally.

--
greg just told me pogo came back thank god.

i hate it when pets run away its dropping something in an ocean its there but you dont know where

and what if it gets run down by stupid drivers ):

talking bout dogs, today beth was out, when i woke up the house seemed empty(i found out later my brother was in his room) so i took miko on a leash and.........................let him sleep on the couch beside me while i ate and watched teevee

hahaha no i didnt bring him for a walk. on second thought i shouldve right

at least i'll get some exercise

very blessed

2008-04-27T01:00:00.001-07:00

to have met very special people everywhere i go.

--
so..friday was bring your mum around the school day and it didnt go as badly as i thought it would

carin never liked this school from the start
yes its my first time here i never liked coming to school to meet teachers
i dont interfere with my daughter's studies

and she came out the room neither smiling nor frowning. but as she walked and told me bout it she broke out in a grin.

or was it just my imagination

im still not happy i didnt get to hear the entire conversation and whatever onesided stories she told my mum but its all good, at least im not grounded or shitzs like that

--
we all arent the happiest people around, and just yesterday one love was telling me how it'll be good to have someone to talk to so even if nothing was going well you could sit down there and talk to her about something else to get your mind off the bad and bring in the good and happy

and i totally agree

hearing that was bittersweet for both me and her

--
labour day's roxanne day, im counting down to the very last second

--
i wish i wish i wish there was nothing called a wish

2008-04-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

my sis decided to paint my nails! so she painted my left foot

then her boyfriend called AND SHE LEFT IT LIKE THAT

im gna paint her toenails tonight, each a hidoues mix of colours RARR

and i...

2008-04-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

im too lazy to argue, too lazy to think about who you are what kind of person youre trying to be and why you act like that

talk about hot and cold gives you stomachaches.

its giving me gastricitis

youre catching me at all the wrong times

2008-04-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

from the back of your big brown eyes
i knew you'd be gone as soon as you could
and i hoped you would
we could see that you weren't yourself
and the lines on your face did tell
it's just as well
you'd never be yourself again

how pessimistic and demoralising.

im having an overload of sound in my house. sis playing the piano, brother watching soccer and me playing music. all i need now is my mum's shouting to make things complete

if you're not gna try to contain your anger i dont see why i should. but i would, if not ill end up like you.

first game, not so good, but every game we play has its value somewhere or another. 1 down, a few more to go. cherish it saints

welcome back old friend

2008-04-18T06:08:00.001-07:00

its here, once again.

no regrets, together my love.

2008-04-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

what a hectic weekend. one of the best so far but im sure i cant keep up with sucha life.

i always feel like doing some work after having fun (:

lets hope this week's a good one!

i think we're running away and i love it.

c for pw, has got to suck but tis fine. it just didnt make me happy. didnt say it made me sad though. but not being happy about it kinda equals to being sad, right? ohwell aahaha

soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, soccer, soccer team, study.

2008-04-09T06:54:00.001-07:00

today's training was a little better. lets hope i go for trainings with vigour again.

no no, im not gna have any regrets.

--
met faris and wendy today after the rugby match(which deb siyi gwen and cabbed to school to miss) and it felt good talking to both of them (: even though wendy was in a rush and i wasnt feeling very rsuhy rushy wendy i hope you didnt miss your teevee show! hahaha ill see you around in school love

--
talked to ameer last night about totally random stuff cos he was having so much fun at the chalet. i have enlightened him hahaha

--
mygosh so pretty.

--
sometimes, people's actions just dont entirely reflect what they're feeling, yknow?

im not gna stand around just to make you guys talk in hushed whispers or give each other the 'ill tell you later' look. i might as well walk away and let you continue your conversation right? doesnt make me love you any less though. i believe everyone's got their own lives, and i stick to that. <3

--
went for desert with tammy and qin on monday and tammy told me 'feels like i havent spoken to you for damn long' . so true.

i havent spoken to myself for really long too

hahaha

--
LET ME TELL YOU A JOKE!

lionel told my sis they were practising how to use a hand grenade and his friend happily threw the grenade and said

'Pokemon! i chose you!'

and landed his ass in the detention barracks

HAHAHA WTF HOW COOL IS THAT. not.

but that isnt the funny part(according to my sis). this funny part's in the db, when some roomie goes 'eh, so..why're you here?'

poor guy.

--
AND, the ns people had to do a skit and one group did one on guy's pick up lines and the girl's rejections.

from her blog:
on guys' pick-up lines and girls' rejections.

guy: "hi, i'm bond. james bond."
girl: "hi, i'm lost. get lost."

but the funniest to me was the one where the guy went,

"hi, im an mrt and i'm here to...
pick you up!"

OH.MY.FLYING SQUIRREL.DAMMMMN FUNNY LOR.

sometimes i think jokes should stop there,
but apparently there's the rejection line, which is,

"when's the next train?"

which i dont think adds more funny-ness to the line.

i'm here to pick you up!
seriously.

2008-04-08T05:41:00.000-07:00

ive got many reasons but none stronger than the fear of regret

--
you're not seeing what i want you to see.

you look in my eyes and you learn, you see more than you wanted to. but you. you look in my eyes and see what you want to see, what you created, and ideal.

disgusting.

hey you welcome to life

2008-04-06T02:56:00.001-07:00

i could see it, that light in your eyes, and you have no idea what warmth it brought me. i could feel my heart breaking out in a smile that only radiated from within

2008-04-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

im back (:

but the funny thing is, tonight when i walked through the door it felt just like any other day.

i wonder if my mum/sis wouldve noticed if i didnt tell them i had a camp.

even miko felt normal no waggywaggy tail and licking my face

--
just read my sister's blog. it never rains it pours(just like today), but there's always a way to be happy, you just gotta want to, you gotta believe in it

and she said something about cheating on your other half and i remembered i took a test about how much you'd cheat on your partner and i got 100% which was freaky

and totally untrue.

--
Post's cranberry almond crunch is awesome its like blueberry morning

--
ok about the camp!

it was.....different. i felt independent. there werent any 'ohmygosh lets go do someting crazy at night just because.' kind of moments(though we slept at the gallery), there werent any i-wanna-talk-through-the-night feeling anymore, and there wasnt as much fun and laughter as ive had but it was an experience. maybe this is what happens when youve grown up, even just a little bit.

went fort canning to geo-trek(WE REALLY TREKKED DIDNT WE HUH) it was damn fun the map's so misleading i thought we'd have to run our lungs out to complete it in two hours but we managed to happily stroll, climb 'hills' and battle monster ants heh.

the number game was fun too

soccer in the rain(though only 15 minutes) made me happy inside(cos of the rain)

but this camp's a success, i feel. now i really understand the j1s better, they're so much more a part of me now than before. i just hope they feel the same, i hope it stays this way.

i hope you know im here for you, i hope you know there's more in life to smile at, i hope you know the surface speaks lies and that every moment of sadness is temporary

--
i know i was just thrown somewhere, somewhere else, because the original's not for me, its saved for someone better. but its fine, it really is. hurts, but its fine because i know my place.

what's our connection based on?

2008-04-02T04:40:00.000-07:00

love? trust? sorrow? dependency? habit?

at least the fragility of glass can be put into words with logical explanations. what about this?

if you can picture a grey cloud, a grey blur, a grey sheet over vibrant colours, then you can picture my mind.

is there a difference between giving up and defeat

being backstage isnt that bad now

and im already thinking of how to smite you down

2008-03-31T07:58:00.001-07:00

i lose one side of my only pair of contacts AGAIN

ohbloodyhell

what to wera tomorrow my specs are broken! >:( ROAR

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2008-03-29T05:24:00.001-07:00

was reading rabia's blog and two things got me so excited MYGOODNESS

CARNIVALSSSSS I WANT TO GO! carnivals sound fun, cept for the prospect of having clowns walk around. i think stilts are awesome sometimes i wonder what happens when they fall cannot land on their knees.

NEXT, i have to write down the swimming pool incident for keep's sake.

on friday we had this super long break(which now we know is gna be spent either swimming or studying prolly the former) so fay and her teammates decided to train at the sav pool! me and verin tagged along to kinda watch, and in the end, tan(it felt super good)

then this three guys came to take the swimming proficiency test(i forgot all about it) and when i found out it was just two laps(up and down) and a minute of treading water i decided to take the test! it was the last day too so i was like ah heck just take it.

and i lost my contacts while swimming.

mygosh.

but it was so fun lets do it again! this time ill probably take off my contacts first :D

mummy's at a dinner with elna so cool they always have dinners together to celebrate birthdays though they dont talk that often and arent working together anymore.

just talked to roxanne she tells me ive got funny problems HAHA yea its true. rox babe we're in the same boat k we'll paddle together.

maybe ill be able to morph into them.

2008-03-29T03:31:00.000-07:00

are you distracted?

3rd choice, 4th choice, maybe not even a choice at all.

2008-03-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

china emergent trip. people really are gna start believing im a china girl.

--
hows it you cant be who you want to be? its not possible.

maybe, just maybe, im not as strong as i think/thought, and maybe, i cant accept everything that comes my way.

but why not?

but....i want to

its just another pebble that's gna be kicked away soon. when its over ill look back and laugh at how i got so upset about it. it always happens.

horlicks taste better diluted.

2008-03-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of heavy emotional energy around you today and it could make you start feeling moody and slow. Don't worry about it. So what if you take a little longer to get ready this morning, or you're not quite as talkative as you usually are? The people who know and respect you aren't going to get upset about it, so why should you? Drink all the extra cups of coffee you want, your situation won't change. But in a few days, it will be over.

hahaha i love reading horoscopes its amazing how some are completely rubbish and how i get so excited when its even remotely correct/linked.

--
this morning the teh tarik machine was spoilt(or maybe the uncle didnt know what was wrong)

--
today our day went pretty good because we had a free period early in the morning and the lessons werent draining

and training was very slack, plus the rain felt good again

--
i wish i could be more of a help

--
im bingeing again(explains the sudden topic of horlicks i dont even like horlicks)

--
tomorrow team sajc kicks off season.
tomorrow the guys play their first match. good luck soccer boys you guys know you can do it, and do it super well (:

--
today i left my file under the table in the hoomroom. poor little lonely green file.

your words dont flow

2008-03-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

if you want to be good at something you go all out and be good at it dont pretend you're not when you are and put on a good show cos thats just disgusting k?

--
were you even listening to me or were my words just another one of the billion words youve heard before, huh?

so many youyouyous in my entries im gna make people feel paranoid. but dont be cos it isnt pointed at anyone.

its just saying make sure you dont do it to someone else.

there will not be foam if you dont make it

2008-03-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

quarrelled with my mum in the car today, it was more like a monoquarrel i just sat there and listened maybe this is what its like to be rebellious to the point of no return.

im sorry if ive disappointed you by not bothering/caring about what you say and not even listening to what ive classified under rubbish.

sometimes i think im so drowned in my own perceptions nothing else gets into my head am i fucking dense

--
played about three sets of ten minutes i hated it. then watched the video it was boring. then played the second half, full, and i hated it again.

went for lunch i ate mcnuggets coke kind of brought my spirits up cos it was cold and sweetysaltish, i thought dessert would do the trick but it had to be made horribly.

then it rained. then i took 13. then the rain got into my head and i started sniffling. then i alighted. then i sat at the busstop.

then i decided to walk home in the rain.

its not like you made any difference when i was sick or not anyway. so why not.

2008-03-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

i had so much fun today its great to feel this way <3

i ate two icecreams(shared,of course) and i feel like eating more

i feel like eating lots of pasta

and cookies

lets just say im quite hungry

i hope tomorrow will be a good day

my thoughts seem to come in phrases nowadays

my handphone light is irritating me so i better stop now and check so itll go away

gnight

2008-03-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

when you're typing a msg on your phone and you type 46 and GP comes out instead of IS,

you just know you're quite screwed.

lol WTH.

--
i would tell you my adventure on the bus/train/singapore on tuesday night but its so bloody long. all i know is, i left pp at 6.30,reached home at 7.45. mygoodness talk about wandering. i think i travelled more than mas selamat

--
hichew has become a dollar! so interesting i love hichew

--
MY SISTA KEEPS SPREADING RUMOURS ABOUT ME BEING WEIRD WHEN SHE BUYS A BARBIE DOLL PENCIL CASE FOR AN 18YEAROLD GUY

--
time to chuck my studies away!(but not tooo far away)

--
i feel like hanging out at pp(potong pasir not parkway parade. actually both also can) macs. not the coolest place but imagine being there at night

--
i dont think you even remembered i forgot to wish you happybirthday.

2008-03-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

OH.MY.GOSH.SCREW.CANCER.ITS.SO.DISGUSTINGLY.HARD.TO.STUDY.

if cancer didnt exist the world would be a better place.

2008-03-16T03:08:00.000-07:00

ON SOME DAYS WHEN YOU KNOW ITS A BAD DAY AND NOTHING COMES OUT RIGHT YOU SHOULD LEARN TO KEEP QUIET AND STAY AT HOME WITH NOTHING COMING INTO CONTACT WITH YOU.

learnt that today. yes siree.

dont worry nothing's wrong its just annoying.

ohmygoodness can block tests end nownownow

sometimes i think the driving force behind my dream to be a nurse is the ugliness of life.

2008-03-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

as quoted from maria:

"where is the brain capacity for anything not related to the A level syllabus?
it doesn't exist."

YA WTF I FORGOT LIKE THREE PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAYS THIS WEEK AND ITS THREE OF MY GOOD FRIENDS' BIRTHDAYS im slapping myself mentally(only because i'd look like an idiot if i did it physically)

what nonsense is this. rarr.

so,

ON THE 12th OF MARCH:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEINING!

ON THE 13th OF MARCH:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALFIE(SLUT)

ON THE 14th OF MARCH:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SENG! (we'll celebrate soon k cos we always do! cant miss out on tradition its WRONG)

ON THE 15th OF MARCH:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARRELL LOW!

and lastly, (i didnt forget this one)

happy birthday daddy, allll the way from sg (: i hope mummy brought you lots of love and represented us properly in china k! <3

2008-03-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

to drive ourselves or not, to give our all when the time is here or not.

i think we've lost our inspiration.

time to find it again, within ourselves.

2008-03-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

so many buts.

2008-03-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

from gino lu's blog, many months ago:

Expectations. Often it is expectations of someone and how that someone lives up to it that you form an image about him. A lazy person, irresponsible perhaps. Expectations, it is something that many fail to understand. It can be used to help you, while it may be detrimental to someone.
I know I've not lived up to expectations, but nor will I admit it to you cause I still my dignity. Pride you may call it, but I choose to decide what it is. May a times, I know I failed, rather obvious as you expect a lot more out of me, and I seemingly fail to live up to those expectations. I seem to be teetering on the edge, just barely making it. Yet, of 'those expectations' I mentioned above, entangled among them, is my own expectation, of myself and how people should view me as. I may not apologize for the mess I have created, nor will I try to live up to your expectations, however I will not let it bog me down and I, to the best of my very limited ability, try and help out anyway I can.

when i was a kid i loved swimming so one afternoon i was in the mood for sun, so i bounced to my dad's bedroom, eager t jump on him and ask him to take me just a few blocks down to the swimming complex and swim with me. but when i opened the door he was fast asleep. being young i didnt know much about being irritating so i happily shook him awake and went LETS GO SWIMMING. obviously he wasnt in the mood and in fact i went out the room almost in tears.

so i lay on my bed hating everything hating the fact that something so simple like bringing me just a few blocks away could be so hard to do.

then after awhile my dad came in knelt beside my bed and told me 'get ready, lets go swimming with a smile'.

of course i was super confused so i asked him, while walking, why the sudden change, i thought he didnt want to go?

and his reply ill always remember.

if you want to do something, you dont do it reluctantly, you dont drag your feet there. if you're gna do it, do it happily.

things are difficult most of the times, and we dont face one difficulty at a time because it doesnt rain it pours like hell. but when you think that all is lost and you cant find your way back, cry out the darkness and let the light shine in because even though life sucks(take drugs) we're gna go through it. although suicide's easy as 1 2 3 there're too many consequences to bother our already bothered souls with that it becomes a 'so near yet so far' thing.

so since life's kind of compulsory now, lets find joy, ltes make joy. lets not care about too many of the downsides because it doesnt do us any good. lets push it away, no one said ignoring something that isnt even supposed to be there was bad. there're happier things to focus and revolve our life around.

this week's gna be tough, seems like we're having a tougher time than others did and it makes us feel lousy. ok it makes me feel lousy.super lousy. i always think 'is everyone feeling the same way or is it just me?'. i mean pain is relative, i could say im fainting but if another person was in my shoes that person would be like o tremors but i dont care, cos ill never find out.

if you feel like doing something go do it. if you dont feel like it and you strongly believe you dont want to then dont do it. because that's whats gna make you happier.

its your life, live it the way you want to. its your memories you're gna be looking at ten years down the road, so choose to make those memories yourself babes.

--
on monday i spent two hours in bed, tired from not being awake yet and stressed from the thought of going to school. and i was late. so every minute spent tossing on my bed, plagued with the dilemma of whether or not to go to school was another minute late, which made me not want to go to school even more.

so i decided, eventually, * it im not going. im not gna be happy even if i went anyway.

then i woke up, and stressed myself for another hour about whether or not to go for training. in the end i walked to tanahmerah with my sister with a bloody frown because even as i walked,every step i took was a step further from home and nearer to school(which isnt very near) and i just hated the idea of going for training when i didnt want to, when i felt obligated to.

in the end i reached school, sat at the gallery, had a light convesation with tessa(which cleared my brain for some reason(i think it was cos it was so pure and brainless)) and i felt better. then the girls came and training was about to start. managed to bargain with cel about training, and in the end i just ran.

cos i knew if i didnt, i'd keep thinking about whether i shouldve or not.

so after that very mentally draining day i realised how damn true 'cross the bridge when it comes' really is.

why bother ourselves with what we think is going to come when we have absolutely no control over it?

why not think about what we can do now, how to tackle the problems we have now, and be happy now, instead of trying to be happy in future?

so i decided im not training till i get my studies in check. yes my committment to soccer is waivered for this week because im not as capable as to commit myself to both studies and soccer because giving my all is giving my 100%. i only have a 100%, i cant give a 100% to both soccer and studies cos simple maths says that's 200%. which is not what i have. 50% each isnt good enough because ill just be missing 50% and wondering, worrying about that missing half.

so until im satisfied with my studies, until im happy that i have at least put in and gave as enough to my studies, my soccer is closed in a cupboard.

but i promise you, after block test i can throw my studies into the cupboard.

--
i realised i have a habit of throwing my life away, even if its for five minutes. i sit down and forget about everything and think about only what i want to think about.

sometimes i believe in the things i say, but sometimes i doubt if im making enough sense.

sis told me bout a book yesterday, so mind-boggling.

its about this girl who's perfectly fine, from her point of view. driven, social and everything. until she goes to a mental institute and mingles with the people. only then she finds out something about the people there, from their point of view, that they are not mental, that they think it is the 'normal' people that need help, not them.

no wonder ive always wondered how mental people feel/ think. if i could be one person for a day i'd be mental.

these kind of books should be burnt cos it messes up your view of the world.

i think the only reason why i'll be mental is cos of my sis.hahaha. we like to think about things like 'there are many things going on in the world in one second.' this guy's buying fruits, this girl's crying another's on the edge of divorce, another getting married. THATS HOW DISGUSTING IT IS.

but we dont have to care.

you can choose to believe anything you want to. you can believe someone who said something bad and be unhappy, or you could believe someone who said something good and be happy. think about it.

im really blabbering now, all i hope is that i make sense.

2008-03-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

if youre angry with me just tell me, ill feel better that way. dont think i couldnt feel the hostility, the not-so-warm greeting.

i just hope everything's fine cos if it isnt, i dont know if ive got the energy to redeem myself.

2008-03-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

ive always known the importance of a first impression but looks like i didnt give that good a first impression for you guys, and its hard, almost impossible to do so now.

i got an E for chinese and im disappointed as hell. as much as i know my chinese sucks and i have absolutely no flair in it, somehow i feel the paper wasnt done to the fullest, that grade does not reflect the standard of my potential chinese.

guess ill give it second shot.

--
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

DISNEY THE GENIUS

--
tell me why im constantly ranting about things i dont even remember the next day, why im talking in such riddles, why i cant even figure out my words, like i have no control over them. i think im starting to scare people off but perhaps its better this way.

tell me why im tired of the struggle, why i find it hard to do things willingly. why is the only motivation is have 'its gna be over soon'?

tell me why i feel like my brain's full of things i cant remember

lastly tell me why i find it so hard to accept so many things nowadays

life sucks, take too much drugs.

--
studying on sunday, frankly, i dont feel like studying i wanna let my hair down, free.

2008-03-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

i know my attitude hasnt exactly been exemplary but believe me when i say i want to do well, believe me when i say i want to love my books.

sometimes situations push you to something/somewhere else such that you cant do what you want to anymore. and when that happens, sometimes running away's the way to get back on track.

have faith in those you love that they love you back no matter what they do. look at their hearts not their faces.

monday's the day. ive been thinking so much about everything i dont even know what i thought was right wrong should be shouldnt be is was am are.

ive been bored and unfeeling so i decided i was in the mood for drawing. and they turned out pretty sucky. at least it put my mind at ease. like every stroke of the pencil's filled with your frustration.

oh did i mention? mj dance concert was hawt. such style. enjoyed it more than i enjoyed rapture(maybe cos im biased against sa) but it was so hot. lots of style. plus the company's good, plus there was someone i was cheering my heart out for.

simpang after that, was kind of a failure simpang trip but im glad i managed to meet secondary school friends. i feel like ive grown up with them.

thank you aaron for researching on the genocide thing althoug it was close to 12 when you reached home already. you can help me do my homework if it makes you feel better HAHA.

i wish i could sleep just a little longer.

oh yes my computer's sick and dying(terminal cancer) so its losing its memory and one day it wont be able to wake up anymore. cant read people's blogs anymore cos its screwed up.

2008-02-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

maybe i really have to shutup because what i think is like upup in the cotton candy sky, never touching the ground. it doesnt make sense and it just might never will so i shouldnt make things worse by telling people things that 1.makes them even more muddled 2.wastes their time and 3.doesnt make them feel any better.

maybe im just too used to your presence, too used to the thought of you lingering at the back of my mind, that i am dellusional that i am fantasizing. its become a bad habit, nothing more.

unfeeling's the word, its like nothing goes beyond this barrier of emotion, that everything lies on the deep surface.

at least my brain's still functioning, even if its the wrong, wonky way.

i think mr chua sees improvement, i think we're on a better track than before, it couldve been this way much earlier but somehow it didnt happen.

once youve tasted the best, its hard to settle for second best no matter how unique it is (eeesnt it ahaha) like an alien who doesnt want to become human.

i wish i had time to study. me and verin came to a consensus that studying is actually veryvery extremely fun, and we concluded that in a serious no sarcasm tone. WE'RE SREIOUS IT GIVES YOU JOY

2008-02-20T05:26:00.000-08:00

I WORE THE BV UNIFORM TODAY AND IT FELT GOOD I WISH I COULD WEAR IT ALL THE TIME AGAIN I WISH I COULD TURN AND SEE RABIA AND ZAF TOGETHR, LYNNETTE YINHUI HUIYI AND COMPANY TOGETHER, EUNICE READING, TANYEEKIM SMILING AND MUMBLING TO HERSELF XIAOYAN AND PIAOXUE DOODLING AND SMILING LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW CHINYANG STONING HAKIM AND TOBIE RUSHING THEIR ART PORTFOLIOS FARIS HAZIQ DAVID ZAKI AND THE OTHER BOYS RUSHING THEIR DNT PORTFOLIOS ROXANNE AND EMILY TWIRLING ON THE ROTATING SEAT AND WENDY SLEEPING LIKE SLEEPING BEAUTY.

everything's so different now and i gotta stop complaining. rox said we dont wanna forget but sometimes its better that we do.

maybe just for a little while. maybe just for six months i shall move on. completely.

jonadab you'll be dearly missed. sincerely.

and you had a fcuking bad day

2008-02-15T04:07:00.001-08:00

woke up angry with my maid because im quite tired of her waking me up by keeping silent and poking me(it doesnt really work i just fall in and out on sleep its even more bloody tiring)

coming to school and having to listen to the ringing sound of (quite) a(few) call(s) which havent been picked up by the other party, having to wander around the school, deciding to seek refuge in the toilet and face check for a while in the mean time only to find another girl who decides to hog the mirror silence in the toilet between two strangers isnt very nice so i had to go back out almost immediately bloodyf

then going for gp and fucking failing while everyone else does well what in the world were the examiners thinking when they marked my olevel script oo nice handwriting lets give her alot of marks for that then going for maths and getting the lowest in class doesnt help im not doing well for chem either and sitting down there just having thoughts raging through my mind pleading for me to push it away and trample on them mentally and not showing any signs of doing it physically on my face was just something im getting sick of recently

then going for a break and finding out from whitespecsboy lyndon i mean mr chua found my blog and published it on the class blog which immediately made it famous how dare he publish it this it is none of your business you have no right to do that to publish it and make mockery of it i know its on the internet which isnt the most private thing but this is mine. my personal belonging and i have the damn right to be angry at you for publicly announcing that i have done wrong in this blog when i have not. how dare you.

practically ruined my day i dont even want to think of what is going to happen in the future but its alright i dont want to kill braincells and waste precious potentially happy seconds on that childish issue.

after that was bio tutorial it was one of the better tutorials but somehow i feel like i have no recollection of any new knowledge its so useless to go for a tutorial learn something ad forget it in just about six hours

after that was supposed to be chinese had a mind of skipping it but met laoshi on the way to getting the ball from jo and she pissed me off again i dont know there's just something about the things she say that make me feel so frustrated so driven into a corner i try not to think its unreasonable but somehow all my arguments with myself lead to that word i skipped it in the end anyway i had no mood to tolerate useless lessons again

studied for chem spa i forgot to write one of the more important sources of error and im angry at myself for that at least i managed to finish it it was one of the better spas ive taken

macs after that wanted a prosperity meal to cheer me up but alas the beef one was not available so we had chicken but it was bad i wouldnt eat it again it tasted like salty and chewy cardboard. mum called asked if i wanted a lift home but i was only threequarts done with fay so i said no but regretted after that because i couldve asked her to wait for about fifteen minutes that'd have saved me about 45 minutes travelling time i hate it when im close to getting a lift but not be able to the journey's mentally tiring

oh and not to forget(which i just did)looking through friendster profiles of your old sec sch best buddies which you worked so hard to keep despite all the sadness and disappointing news only to find out all that was for naught and to them you are just some insignificant soul who had never really mattered because they lose contact with you the moment you are out of their sight for more than three days how wonderful is that cny hopping was fun i was thinking about it during this years cny i thought no one organised it i thought it just didnt go on

i never thought it did, just without me, and wendy, and yinhui. i really dont like you guys, what kind of friends are these.

now i feel like stuffing myself with chocolates and green tea because green tea calms the mind and chocolates make you think youre happy

unconfirmed game tomorrow then its manu vs arsenal my weekend's burnt already i dont know what else to do

theres just so damn little time to catch up with school soccer friends and even myself i feel like my soul's left behind somewhere only i dont know

bloody hell

i wonder if anyone really read that whole lot of fucktrash i dont feel like moving anymore

ill take it to my grave.

2008-02-14T20:27:00.000-08:00

i never believed teachers would read the students' blog but now i do. hello teacher!

i thought teachers had hectic schedules.

--
if you wanna pick on me, fine. who you choose to be isnt any of my business. your acts are yours alone. im sorry if ive said mean things or hurt your precious heart so im telling you, im not gna do anymore. you are solely my teacher, even if it doesnt make me happy. no more childish acts because i will not stoop to such a level.

how dare you, but its fine. you can go do more things to satisfy your childish wants, and you can tell me when you're done. no, actually, you dont have to, i dont really want to bother, teacher.